See Jamie Run

Dear Mom,

You know I think you were the most excellent mother in every way...

but

I'd like to know what the H*E*double HOCKEY STICKS you were thinking when you sat me down in this guy's lap twenty-one years ago? 2 black eyes. TWO. and please tell me you didn't pay for this. was it a two-for one down at the Orange County Police Department? lookie here! its a mugshot AND a santa photo! did they pay you? or was this guy holding us for ransom?
Is this the reason you made us all of those homemade cream puffs throughout the years? to balance this little "altercation" out?

i don't know mom....

but while I'm writing you, I might as well thank you for this wonderful Christmas weekend we are having. You make life so charming and beautiful- serving mimosas for breakfast, delivering cookies with me in the snow, telling us stories about your wild past.

I love you more than special hot cocoa and Martha Stewart cupcakes with Swiss Meringue Buttercream Icing. (that's a lot of love.)

p.s. Why is Kelsea barefoot? I'm the hippie of the family.